Mobile Mania

The latest features in the new iPhone OS 3.0 make it a better phone, GPS, gaming and computing platforms. But they also have the potential to turn it into the most perfect sex toy yet.

Dr. Debby Herbenick—author and sex expert—liked our iPhone 3.0 guide so much that she wrote a great phone sex guide inspired by it. Which got me thinking: Can the new OS make the iPhone the best sexual toy ever?

Actually, I think it can. Or at least, it has all the elements to turn it into the most sophisticated sexual machine I can imagine.

Let's start with the basics: First, the new iPhone OS 3.0 adds a rumble application programming interface. Basically, this will allow developers to fine tune the vibration of the iPhone itself. A perfect sexual toy application would be able to store vibration patterns to suit the needs and mood of the user.

But more importantly, it will also receive them wirelessly, in real time: One iPhone running my hypothetical Shiny Shiny Sexual Toy™ would be able to control the other using a simple graphical user interface, over the network.

In this perfect sexual toy application, there will be a list of sexual partners you can play with across the internet. It will also allow to record sessions and also talk using the new Voice Over IP communication at the same time you are playing. Like the games demonstrated yesterday, but for adults.

And that's just the start. Imagine the possibilities of push notifications and Bluetooth peer-to-peer networking: Woman walks into airport lounge with the sexual toy app in "receive mode." Another iPhone sexual toy user is scanning the application and detects her in proximity, so he or she sends a notification, inviting her to play.

They don't have to get directly into the action, of course. Like Dr. Debby says, there are preliminaries, like in every sexual activity. This is where text chat, profiles, and avatars get into scene. A conversation will ensue and, if things get exciting, they can start playing using the vibration mode.

Of course, you are probably thinking, it's ok to play with the vibration mode in the iPhone itself if you are in the privacy of your home... but in public?

That's where the new Device Control interface and the Bluetooth connectivity comes in: The sexual toy would be able to turn the iPhone into the toy itself but it would also be capable of controlling compatible devices—small or big vibrators or chinese balls or whatever device you can think about.

Of course, there's the matter of doing this kind of things in public, but hey, I'm European, and you know we are all pervs there who love sex in public (and hey, you can always run into the bathroom, as long as you keep yourself within wireless range).

Sure, some will say that toy-aided cybersex is nothing compared to the real thing, but seriously, even while sometimes they are fun, one-night stands are just way too messy for me. Knowing that I'm having casual sex with someone in such close proximity will be a definitive turn on. And who knows, perhaps the start of something else.